Chinese authorities have just announced that the soon-to-be-completed Three Gorges Dam is actually just the power source for the next monstrously huge engineering project: the Ten Kilometer Cooler, a giant air conditioner which will cover approximately 80% of Shanghai.



Zhu Huobing, Deputy Director for Communications and Coolants, explained that the move is intended to help Shanghai take a firm step toward becoming the new financial center of Asia. "Think about it," he stated, "every major Asian city is ta-ma-de hot in the summer. To be able to turn the temperature down to, say, 25 is a distinct advantage."

The remote control alone will be 240 meters tall and will be featured in the Pudong skyline as part of the new "Control Economic Center".

Some political analysts see an even deeper motive in the overall plan. According to James Fallows, the Shanghai-connected technocrats in the Politiburo are getting tired of the frigid winters and sweltering summers in Beijing. "With the completion of the Cooler, they can make a strong case to just move the whole capital to Shanghai. Maybe then I can get a freaking visa."

Shanghai schoolboy Ye Wang reacted with dismay on Tuesday morning after spotting a terrifying yellow-white shining object in the sky from his bedroom window. Ye's father Lao Wang and grandfather Zhende Lao Wang spent several hours discussing the bizarre phenomenon, before deciding it must be the Sun. Ye's grandfather remembered this legendary object which used to be seen in the sky during his childhood, long before Shanghai was covered in a layer of year-round smog.



Q. Does the sun ever come out in Shanghai?
A. I don't know, I'm only 7 years old.

In the opening days of the 787,291st session of the United Natures General Assembly, Fall made an impassioned plea for action against Summer's "extended and repeated expansion into Fall Territory".

"Fellow natures, these acts of geometeorological aggression cannot be ignored by the internatural community," declared Colored Leaves, Fall's delegate. "Summer has now pushed its high temperatures even past the traditional Mid-Autumn Festival, well into October. This unlawful occupation of such a large portion of Fall threatens the stability of the entire globe."

Summer defended its actions in a heated response. Stated Summer delegate Muggy Air, "There has never been an officially recognized border between our neighboring natures. A healthy intermixture of warm and balmy days has been a hallmark of our interaction."

The Weather Committee has been reviewing the evidence in a series of closed-system discussions led by ranking delegate Cirrus Cloud of Troposphere. An unnamed attendee of the talks reported that the Committee is highly concerned about the involvement of rogue natures. "What we really need to know is, is Summer directly collaborating with and receiving aid from Global Warming and its cohorts, or are they independent actors?"

Fall also continues to make appeals for aid and assistance to the United Strata of Atmosphere. "With its vast resources, Atmosphere could easily assist us with additional trade wind support or more frequent cold fronts." USA had no comment on the matter.

Shanghai residents reacted with disgust to the "mega-typhoon" Wipha which failed to hit Shanghai Wednesday.

No TaiFeng, a resident of Luwan district, abandoned his plan to build a large wooden Ark, which would contain two of every flavour of mooncake available in the city.