Beijing Olympic mascot Yingying and Shanghai Expo mascot Haibao are the latest celebrities to be involved in a sex scandal. According to our sources, Yingying has been neglecting her mascot duties with the other four Fuwa in order to get down and dirty with big blue boy Haibao.

An ayi at the Olympic Hotel in Beijing spotted Haibao entering Yingying's room at midnight last Thursday. On pressing her ear to the door, she heard Yingying screaming "Faster! higher! stronger! ... Right there! Harder! Deeper!"

When questioned about what she was doing with Haibao, Yingying giggled behind her hands, before running a 42.195km marathon, grabbing her sabre, and doing some Greco-Roman wrestling.

Haibao, who commentators have described as looking "like some kind of demented blue condom" has been in hiding in Boston since the reported incident. It is rumoured that Yingying's jealous fellow mascot Jingjing, who has mafia connections, has been looking for him.

Shangzilla editor Dan Wasburnt's latest article for popular website Shangzilla.com has nothing to do with naked photos of Edison Chen.

Washburnt noted however, that the article Net awash with naked pictures of Edison Chen and you was currently topping the most popular articles this month. Even shameless ripoffs of Shangzilla.com are filled with stories about Edison Chen.

"Since internet users are searching frequently for "Edison Chen photos" and "Edison Chen taking naked pictures" and "Edison Chen latest sex scandal pictures", commented Wasburnt, "I decided to mention Edison Chen as many times as I could in the article to ensure my article came first in Google, whenever anyone searched for Edison Chen"

"I might also mention other Hong Kong stars like Gillian Chung, Bobo Chan, and Cecilia Cheung, who are also unrelated to my article. But closely related to Edison Chen", Wasburnt continued.

Wasburnt, whose hairstyle has rarely been compared to Edison Chen, once came last in an Edison Chen lookalike contest.

Wasburnt's next article, also about golf, is entitled "Latest pics in Edison Chen sex scandal".

Those naked pictures you let Edison Chen take of you with his webcam were released to several web sites Saturday. They include several nude shots, one where you are giving oral pleasure, those ones with the lacy tights, and the one you forgot about where you were wearing a police uniform.

As the scandal continues to unfold, Chen recently released a statement to YouTube in which he did not apologize for taking naked pictures of you. He did not apologize for storing them on his computer where they could be downloaded by any third party who gained access to the machine. He also did not apologize for taking his computer to a random repair shop to be fixed, thereby giving total strangers access to photos of you and other people. However, he did apologize to anyone whose feelings had been hurt by the photos' exposure.

The photos can now be found on several forums, including those on Tianji.com and Baido.com. They are next to pictures of Edison Chen with Regina Ip, Nina Wang and your mom.

Dan Wasburnt, 108, the playboy owner of popular Shanghai satirical blog Shangzilla awoke on Saturday morning with a terrible hangover after a heavy night at Bar Rouge. After enjoying one too many champagne cocktails, the thought of penning a long, serious article was too much to handle so Wasburnt decided to go with the old standby of tasteful nudity.



"She's, like, famous or something. Maybe she has an aunt from Shanghai" reasoned Wasburnt.

So I'm in the gym changing my clothes and this older Chinese man, maybe 70 years old, asks me "How long have you been in China?"

So I say "a year", as I get ready for the standard stream of questions. He comes back with "Do you have a Chinese girl yet?" to which I reply "No, I'm too busy". He laughs and says "You shouldn't waste your opportunities." I tell him "I keep my eyes open", he returns with "Just your eyes?" I try to sneak one by him with "I keep my heart open too." However he shuts me down with "Yeah, but you've got to use your hands and lips."

Game, Set, Match.

Do 99% of expats need to speak Chinese other than when ordering food and making girls giggle with their hand in front of their mouth? No.

Do most people feel a sense of being unique and clever when they utter a few simple sentences to a taxi driver, or a girl giggling with her hand in front of her mouth? Yes.

This is where Casual Mandarin comes in.

We have spotted a niche gap in the language teaching market - for a reasonable 20,000RMB fee, which includes 6 hours of classes, a CD, and a night of inflexible and squeaky passion with a language teacher, you will learn how to make the necessary Chinese hand-signs from one to ten.

Tired of getting 1 apple given to you instead of 2?

Tired of getting 5 apples instead of, say, 6?

Come to Casual Mandarin - the sex is bad and the price ridiculous - but at least you WILL have sex.

Popular satirical blog Shangzilla will use any old excuse to put women's breasts on the home page, according to editor Dan Wasburnt. "Whether it's Hairong Tiantian (海容天天) getting her assets out for some performance art, a body painting festival in Lhasa, or a a sex expo in Pudong, we've discovered that – to sum it up in three words – sex sells"

Wasburnt added "Of course we'll always have some kind of human interest story to go with it, but we know most of our readers will just head straight for the image slideshow."

This blog would never stoop to such levels.