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December 21, 2007
Expatriate Walter Stevenson of Leeds, England continued to sulk Friday night as his non-Christian co-workers whooped it up at the annual office Christmas party, held in the posh Royal Equatorial Hotel, Pudong. "Jesus is the reason for the season," he said petulantly, crossing his arms across his chest.
Meanwhile, co-worker Anmar Ali said, "I love the holiday season, with all its festive lights and spirit of giving. It's a time for people to love one another and think of the less fortunate."
"I'm having a great time tonight," he added. "I got a nice gift from my secret Santa, and – ooh – Robbie Williams on karaoke! Gotta go!"
Stevenson elaborated his position, pointing to a man with a turban hovering by the punch bowl and a woman in a sari eating a canapé. "Christmas is a celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior. People who don't believe in him have no right to have fun."
When asked for comment, co-worker Jason Schwartz, holding a full plastic cup in his hand, said, "Woooo!"
Meanwhile, co-worker Anmar Ali said, "I love the holiday season, with all its festive lights and spirit of giving. It's a time for people to love one another and think of the less fortunate."
"I'm having a great time tonight," he added. "I got a nice gift from my secret Santa, and – ooh – Robbie Williams on karaoke! Gotta go!"
Stevenson elaborated his position, pointing to a man with a turban hovering by the punch bowl and a woman in a sari eating a canapé. "Christmas is a celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior. People who don't believe in him have no right to have fun."
When asked for comment, co-worker Jason Schwartz, holding a full plastic cup in his hand, said, "Woooo!"
October 24, 2007
Today the Chinese press released information regarding a possible virgin birth in Hubei Province. While no one has actually sighted the woman she is believed to have been sequestered until the birth can be broadcast live on the various CCTV broadcast stations. This move by God may be the first in an effort to establish a greater presence in the Middle Kingdom.
The Vatican has neither confirmed nor denied the Chinese claim. However a source close to the pope has confirmed that in an email from the Archangel Gabriel, God has been "considering more proactive options for expanding into emerging markets." The memo goes on to say that a move into China makes "perfect economic sense" because "expectations in commodities like miracles and divine interventions are low, thus the thermodynamic cost of providing these commodities can be kept low". While God's move into China is not unexpected it does leave speculation as to how previously established markets will fare given this recent development.
Analysts say that this move may be genius or madness. One possible downside may be the perception that God's commodities coming out of China are actually cheap knock-offs instead of the real deal. India, a regional rival, is already claiming that China's "alleged" virginal birth is really just a "cheap, rushed to market" copy of a virgin birth in Varanasi last year. However, this decision nearly doubles potential souls available to God and his various subsidiaries, not to mention the vast surplus of virgins for producing these types of births.
The move has also left many people wondering why China, normally not wanting to get into the Divine Being market, would suddenly embrace what is definitely a major reversal of policy. Sources say that the feeling is that this helps China present a more friendly face to the West as well as a solid strategy to counter-claims by religious and human rights organizations.
It's also great for business. Tours to see the virgin and child will be announced shortly after the birth, during Spring Festival of course, and a theme park near Wuhan is being planned. There are already factories producing burning bushes, "Diligently follow the 10 Commandments" tablets and crowns of thorns. The government has also facilitated a move to embrace God's desire by building the Communist Cathedral, to be the world's largest, by 2025.
The regular Chinese citizen seems to be taking it in their stride. As one area woman put it: "We already do Christmas better than the Westerners, it was about time we showed them that we can have virgin births too!"
The Vatican has neither confirmed nor denied the Chinese claim. However a source close to the pope has confirmed that in an email from the Archangel Gabriel, God has been "considering more proactive options for expanding into emerging markets." The memo goes on to say that a move into China makes "perfect economic sense" because "expectations in commodities like miracles and divine interventions are low, thus the thermodynamic cost of providing these commodities can be kept low". While God's move into China is not unexpected it does leave speculation as to how previously established markets will fare given this recent development.
Analysts say that this move may be genius or madness. One possible downside may be the perception that God's commodities coming out of China are actually cheap knock-offs instead of the real deal. India, a regional rival, is already claiming that China's "alleged" virginal birth is really just a "cheap, rushed to market" copy of a virgin birth in Varanasi last year. However, this decision nearly doubles potential souls available to God and his various subsidiaries, not to mention the vast surplus of virgins for producing these types of births.
The move has also left many people wondering why China, normally not wanting to get into the Divine Being market, would suddenly embrace what is definitely a major reversal of policy. Sources say that the feeling is that this helps China present a more friendly face to the West as well as a solid strategy to counter-claims by religious and human rights organizations.
It's also great for business. Tours to see the virgin and child will be announced shortly after the birth, during Spring Festival of course, and a theme park near Wuhan is being planned. There are already factories producing burning bushes, "Diligently follow the 10 Commandments" tablets and crowns of thorns. The government has also facilitated a move to embrace God's desire by building the Communist Cathedral, to be the world's largest, by 2025.
The regular Chinese citizen seems to be taking it in their stride. As one area woman put it: "We already do Christmas better than the Westerners, it was about time we showed them that we can have virgin births too!"