Cédric M is far too cool to attend the housewarming party of British expatriate Dave Morgan.

In a statement, Cédric said "Cédric is not going to attend some crappy little party at Apartment 3704, Building 17, Fragrant Garden, Datian Lu near Beijing Lu. Cédric only attends glamorous parties where scantily-clad girls pose in front of sponsors' logos then shake their breasts at the camera."

"The most exciting thing you'll be doing at your party is playing Uno, you big fat loser. Cédric doesn't attend parties where people drink homemade punch. Do you have an acute accent in your name like Cédric? Do you talk abut yourself in the third person? Have you even been to Bar Rouge, you expat wannabee?"

Tourists Ray and Wanda Correira spent all day today looking for the Xiangyang Fake Market. The couple were unaware that the market closed in 2006, since they were relying on their old copy of Frommer's China to get them around the city. "I'm sure it should be here, near the Shimen Yi Lu metro station" said Ray, after several hours walking around in circles. "Actually we can't seem to find that either."

"We're finding it a bit difficult to get our bearings" said Ray. "For example the Pu Dong marshland on the east side of the river seem to have some skyscrapers and stuff there now. Whatever will they think of next!"

For dinner the Correiras are heading to the Naked Cow before an evening out at Mint. We wish them luck.

Doctors at Huashan hospital reported a large number of additional patients with stress-related ailments during Saturday's Buy Nothing Day. The stress of not going shopping for a entire day caused mental anguish for many Shanghai residents.

City Diner is to hold a regular "Fight Night" after the chair-throwing success of the first, unofficial, event. Tickets will be on sale from Tuesday, price 120RMB.

Finally, news that three of Shanghai's top nightspots: Barbarossa, Bar Rouge and BonBon are to merge to form a new superclub, with the working title Barbarougeabonbon.

Shanghai resident and British expatriate Gary Bryant had to suffer more than a bruised ego after a disastrous attempt to sing karaoke in a London bar.

Bryant, 28, has spent the last year living in Shanghai, where he is a regular visitor to the Partyworld KTV on Wulumuqi Lu. Bryant's friends in Shanghai were quick to praise his drunken renditions of "Hotel California" and "Take me to your heart". Over time, Bryant began to believe the compliments about his signing voice were genuine, and began to refer to himself at work as the "Kareoke King". On returning to the UK for his Christmas break, Bryant decided to attend a karaoke evening at a Central London bar.

The reception at the open-mike evening in Henry's Bar and Grill in London's fashionable Soho district was less generous. "Get off the stage you fat bastard, you can't sing" was among the more printable of the heckles.

"Who the **** are Michael Learns To Rock?" bouncer Dave Smith was heard to remark whilst throwing a sobbing Bryant into a back alleyway.