Shanghai's resident monster Shangzilla has awoken from his slumber! You can keep up with his latest updates via @shangzilla on Twitter.

Google have released their year-end Zeitgeist showing what the world has been searching for. Shangzilla casts his eye over what Chinese netizens have been looking for - that is when they weren't hunting down wrongdoers.

1. 陈冠希 (Chén Guànxī, Edison Chen)
The contents of Edison Chen's hard-drive were the most popular search term. Shangzilla editor Dan Wasburnt refused to cash in on Edison-mania.


2. 奥运会开幕式 (Àoyùnhuì kāimùshì, Olympic opening ceremony)
Shangzilla thought that nothing of importance happened today, but we guess people were looking for this.

3. 四川地震 (Sìchuān dìzhèn, Sichuan earthquake)
A tragic day for the country. After several weeks of bad news, Shangzilla was hoping something funny would happen.


4. 不合格奶粉名单 (bù hégé nǎifěn míngdān, powdered milk scandal)
Now here was something genuinely to get upset about (unlike Edison Chen, where we just pretended to be outraged and forwarded each other sex pictures). Shangzilla concluded that breast was best


5. 艳照门 (yànzhàomén, "Sexy Photo-Gate")
Yes, its that enormous tool again. Shangzilla likes the Watergate-esque use of "门". At heart, he's a very cultured monster.


6. 画皮 (huàpí, Painted Skin)
The film didn't contain as much skin as promised, much to the disappointment of Dan Wasburnt.


7. 赤裸特工f.b.i (chìluǒ tègōng FBI, Naked Weapon FBI)
This female MySpace.cn blogger combined computer games and sex appeal to wow fans - but we think she's not as cute as JingJing carrying a gun.


8. 国足欢迎你 (guózú huānyíng nǐ, China football welcomes you)
This song and video spoofed the Olympic Song "Beijing Welcomes You" while making fun of the perennially useless Chinese football team. Chinese lyrics are here, sample "场上梦游是惯例,　场下才牛B" "on the field we are sleepwalking, off the field we are (unpleasant individuals)"


9. 刘翔退赛 (Liú Xiáng tuì sài, Liu Xiang withraws from competition)
Despite many shouts of JIAYOU!, local golden boy Liu Xiang dropped out of the Olympics.


10. 神七 (shénqī, Shenzhou 7)
One small step for China, one giant leap for mankind.


We hope you've enjoyed reading Shangzilla this year. We'll be back!

Following on from the People's Bank of China's decision to deposit 50 billion yuan (US$7.3 billion) of government funds in commercial banks, 300m tall monster Shangzilla also made a large deposit in Shanghai banks on Monday morning.

A teller at the Huaihai Road branch of the Industrial and Commercial Bank of China (ICBC) described discovering an enormous deposit in the lobby of the bank. "It was brown, about five meters high and smelled faintly of xiaolongbao. I knew Shangzilla was behind it."

After a heavy night on Tongren Lu, Shangzilla had to relieve himself at several financial institutions, including the HSBC in Pudong. Mr Zhang, the branch manager said his staff members reported discovering a big turd in the VIP Banking area. "I was going to ask Edison Chen to leave, but then I realised what they meant".

The effects on the market are as yet unknown, however the lonely Shangzilla is hoping to receive a stimulus package on Tongren Lu.

Construction of the world's largest bottle opener was completed in Shanghai's Pudong district last month, but so far it has found little use. The device rises 492 metres above the Huangpu River, and was described by Shanghai Mayor Chen Liaoyun as "the biggest tool in Shanghai since Edison Chen came to visit".

City officials are yet to find a bottle large enough to use with the opener, although there are hopes Budweiser will sponsor a giant bottle. "After all, our beer is cheap piss so it wouldn't be too expensive to make", a (now ex-)spokesman for Anheuser Busch commented.

Monstrous Shangzilla thanked the city for their consideration in building a large enough bottle opener for him to use, but admitted that it was hard to operate with his claws. "If I need a bottle opened, I ask my ayi" he said, waving his tail and accidentally demolishing Pudong Airport's new Terminal 2.

The city plans to incorporate the bottle opener into the world's largest Swiss Army knife, set to open for the World Expo in 2010.

Shangzilla's diary for 8th August 2008:

Went for a walk on the Bund, ate a few tourists. Nothing decent on TV.

Terrifying yet lovable monster Shangzilla today awoke from his slumber, promising brand new blog articles over the coming weeks.

Pudongers and Puxiites alike panicked at the re-appearance of the 200-storey beast marauding through their neighbourhood. “I don't care about satirical blog articles, I just want my car back” said Mr Zhang, whose Toyota Camry was devoured by Shangzilla for a mid-morning snack.

Traffic guard Lao Hu was unpeturbed. "Shangzilla wanted to cross Nanjing Road to eat from his favourite xiaolongbao vendor ... I mean eat his favourite xiaolongbao vendor... but I told him he had to wait for my signal to cross, like all the other pedestrians."

"After first under on, do walking with civility", Hu added.

If you live in Pudong, the loud rumbling sounds you've been hearing on occasions are the sound of Shangzilla snoring. After drinking too much baijiu at the Shangzilla Chinese New Year party, he's been slumbering ever since... now we need your help to wake him up so he can write lots of new articles for Shangzilla.com.

Our hard-working and lowly-paid team of Indian interns has been hard at work creating a new Facebook Page for Shangzilla. If you want to see more ​fun articles about Shangzilla, please become a fan by visiting the page and clicking Become a fan. Once we reach 50 fans, Shangzilla will awake!

Despite having an entire year to prepare, the monster 年 (Nian) posted yet another disappointing round of failed attacks on numerous Chinese human settlements last Tueday.

"I trained hard and studied my enemy," Nian commented. "But, in the end, they were ready for me with fireworks, red banners, and lanterns. Man, I hate that stuff, and they know it."

Editor's note: According to tradition, every New Year's Eve, the Nian comes out to devour people and animals. However, on New Year’s Eve 除夕(chuxi), Chinese people put couplets written on red paper up on their gate, hang red lanterns across gate beams, set off fireworks and stay up all night. Since the monster hates the color red, bright lights and firecrackers, he is driven away for another year.

Nian's string of many thousand failures has forced him to re-think his strategy. "I've always been convinced that the night before the Lunar New Year in China was really the ideal attack plan," he insisted. "But you know, maybe I need to switch it up, try something new... god, I haven’t had a bite to eat in ages."

So far, Nian is being secretive about his plans, but an unnamed close associate reports that he's considering attacks on a "plump and juicy" Western hemisphere country sometime in early July.

Shangzilla's not the only monster terrorising his local metropolis. His cousins around the world have been up to their usual antics this week:

* LAzilla was worried about being typecast after getting yet another part in a tired old monster movie franchise
* Gothamzilla went for a quiet night on the town on the Brooklyn Bridge but was shot at by anti-terrorism police.
* Torontozilla said "eh"
* Londonzilla decided to enter the mayoral contest as she thought both of the main candidates were pretty forgettable
* Shangzilla was finding the air smelled of cigarettes
* SFzilla created a Web 2.0 mashup widget RSS generator on Rails
* Phillyzilla had a bad experience when trying to order his cheesesteak in Spanish, so ate Joey Vento.
* Seattlezilla sat in Starbucks for most of the day playing with his new iPod Nanosaurus.

I'm a monster of Reptilian ancestry, in my 300s, ~185m tall and 2350kg, green scaly skin and glowing red eyes. Looking for that special beast for some fun times and maybe more.

It's easy to feel alone in this city, surrounded by millions of humans you can't relate to, wanting to just be yourself, but always feeling the stereotypes that others attach to you. Is there a monster out there who can provide some companionship and a little fun, who can really understand me?

My idea of a perfect first date would start with a walk on both banks of the Huangpu, followed by a climb up the Pearl Tower. Later we'd hit Hongkou for some low-key concrete walkup stomping. I can see us finishing up the night with a snack at the well-populated Xujiahui intersection.

If this sounds good to you, hit me up by telepathy, writing smoke in the sky, or a newsworthy catastrophe. Hope to hear from you soon!

BREAKING NEWS There is panic on the city streets this morning! Pictures (see below) are circulating which appear to show a giant monster attacking downtown Shanghai. Alarmed office workers, many of whom are working an extra day today before the Golden Week, quickly spread the startling photos via QQ and email. We recommend staying indoors, though you might want to run down to Lawson to stock up on some of those Pocky biscuits. Shangzilla likes the white chocolate ones. More when we have it.



Are you in the area? Are you affected by the monstrous events? Send us your images from the scene: contact@shangzilla.com

UPDATE 11.23am The Public Security Bureau have dispatched a team to tackle the monster, although the latest images from the scene suggest they may already be too late to save one of Shanghai’s best loved TV towers, the Oriental Pearl TV tower. Jiangjiang writes "OMG OMG OMG i can see the evil glare in its eyes."




UPDATE 2.58pm Calm is returning to the streets: the shocking imagery which led to the red alert earlier has been found to be a clever fake. Emergency response officer Chen Lianyu explained to a packed press conference "Although the images which were circulating this morning appeared highly realistic, after substantial analysis we suspect they may have been created using a soft toy and a plastic souvenir model. Also we've checked the Pearl Tower, and it still seems to be there".

We are very pleased to announce that Kelvin "Stinky" Doufu, the popular illustrator, will now be drawing exclusive cartoons for Shangzilla.

We hope you'll enjoy his first comic.



Note from the Editor, Mr Doufu went on strike when he discovered that the 50,000 RMB salary we had promised him was an amusing prank, and did not submit the first two panels for publication. We think you'll agree, however, that the punchline is an absolute belter