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You are browsing all 3 articles tagged with 'kids'

September 4, 2008

As crowds gathered on Saturday to witness the opening of the long-awaited Shanghai World Finance Center (SWFC), one 5-year-old grabbed the attention of onlookers as he was the first visitor of the 100th floor viewing deck to say 'WOW'.

Wang Xiao Pang and his family may not have been the first people to arrive at the building site at 6:30am Saturday morning — that honor belonged to Chen Yin, always first in line for new attractions and inaugurations in Shanghai — but they were definitely the talk of town when Wang, the second person to reach the viewing deck, quickly ran to the window and shouted 'WOW'. The only words Chen Yin could muster, was a disappointing "aah".

"I thought about so many things I could say" answered Wang, when asked about his outstanding words, "but when I got up there all I could get out was 'WOW'". When asked by swarms of journalists what the other things were that he thought about saying, "wo de maya", "wo tiana" and "wo cao" were uttered by the brave little youngster. This was met with 'oohs' from the awe-inspired onlookers and and a slap around the head from Wang's stern mother, Mrs. Wang Hao Ma.

"He's a good boy, but he sometimes gets ahead of himself. We didn't think that we'd get so much attention, but it didn't surprise us really as Xiao Xiao was the first person to say 'grrrr' to a tiger in the zoo." The imitation of a tiger's growl lead to much uproar from society in 2006, when Wang was merely 3 years old, as it caused a giant stampede to the Tiger's Cave in Shanghai zoo when many visitors thought the child was either challenging the tiger to a fight or that he had been raised by tigers and was actually talking to the big cats in the cages.

Zhang Chang Lou, director of tourist attractions at the SWFC was almost in tears when asked to comment on the young one's words. "He is a true ambassador of the Chinese spirit, even better than Liu Xiang. We plan to put a copper plaque with his name and the word 'WOW' engraved onto it at the viewing deck for everyone to witness."

"I don't know what I will say next and where," Wang stated after he was asked where he plans to say something amazing again, "I don't plan these things ahead of time, they just happen." However, hordes of netizens have speculated that the little boy might say something cute during the 2010 World Expo or closer yet, during the opening ceremony of the Paralympics.

June 25, 2008

Scientists at the Shanghai Giant Panda Research Facility claim to have made a breakthrough in understanding why giant pandas are so reticent about mating. "We had tried everything to get our pandas in captivity to breed with each other" explained Liu Ye, chief panda scientist. "Aphrodisiac bamboo, videos of other pandas having sex, Viagra. They just seemed to be really bad at having babies". Without sufficient levels of breeding, the giant panda population will collapse, moving them closer to extinction.

The scientists now believe the lack of breeding was caused by a poorly worded memo relating to the one-child policy. "We believe the pandas misunderstood one of the characters in the memo for a similar hanzi, and thought the one-child policy applied to them too. All this time we've been thinking pandas are dumb and actually they've been trying to work for the good of the country."

The scientists hope to next investigate whether the panda's strict diet of bamboo is actually due to them mistakenly following a celebrity diet they read about in Cosmopolitan.

March 5, 2008

The bratty kid who will not eat his grandmother's cooking because it makes his "KOU GAN!!!" - as featured on the Tai Tai Le Granulated Chicken Bouillon - has finally been smacked into next week. Neighbors who wish to remain anonymous report that Ye Nainai finally got so fed up with the ungrateful little emperor that she gave him a whack so hard it could be heard in the neighborhood management office. "We don't condone violence against children here," said another local granny, "but that boy was unbearable."

Upon landing, he will be joining the other horrible kid from the Dr. Bai Whitening Cream commercial, who sings that his spotty mother is unbearable to look at. He will also be receiving speech therapy that will teach him how to say "hao chi!" with proper Mandarin pronunciation.