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October 13, 2008
Construction of the world's largest bottle opener was completed in Shanghai's Pudong district last month, but so far it has found little use. The device rises 492 metres above the Huangpu River, and was described by Shanghai Mayor Chen Liaoyun as "the biggest tool in Shanghai since Edison Chen came to visit".
City officials are yet to find a bottle large enough to use with the opener, although there are hopes Budweiser will sponsor a giant bottle. "After all, our beer is cheap piss so it wouldn't be too expensive to make", a (now ex-)spokesman for Anheuser Busch commented.
Monstrous Shangzilla thanked the city for their consideration in building a large enough bottle opener for him to use, but admitted that it was hard to operate with his claws. "If I need a bottle opened, I ask my ayi" he said, waving his tail and accidentally demolishing Pudong Airport's new Terminal 2.
The city plans to incorporate the bottle opener into the world's largest Swiss Army knife, set to open for the World Expo in 2010.
City officials are yet to find a bottle large enough to use with the opener, although there are hopes Budweiser will sponsor a giant bottle. "After all, our beer is cheap piss so it wouldn't be too expensive to make", a (now ex-)spokesman for Anheuser Busch commented.
Monstrous Shangzilla thanked the city for their consideration in building a large enough bottle opener for him to use, but admitted that it was hard to operate with his claws. "If I need a bottle opened, I ask my ayi" he said, waving his tail and accidentally demolishing Pudong Airport's new Terminal 2.
The city plans to incorporate the bottle opener into the world's largest Swiss Army knife, set to open for the World Expo in 2010.
September 20, 2008
Zhang Xiaoxia, 42, a resident of Minhang District, was glued to his TV screen during the recent Beijing and Paralympics. Neighbours were used to loud shouts of "JIAYOU ZHONGGUO!", "JIAYOU PING PANG DUI" or "JIAYOU LIU XIANG... aiyo..." from Mr Zhang at all hours of the day and night.
Since the Paralympics Closing Ceremony at the weekend, Zhang has been unable to break the habit. The Dazhong taxi company is considering banning Zhang from their vehicles: a spokesman explained "it is very distracting to our drivers when Zhang constantly shouts 'JIAOYOU SHIFU' on the gaojia, and 'JIAYOU HONGLUDENG' when waiting at a traffic light!
Zhang's wife is also becoming tired of the constant encouragement while she is cooking, applying her makeup, or on the toilet. 'JIAYOU ZHANG TAITAI!'
The bad news for his neigbours is that the noise may continue for two more years. Saturday saw Mr Zhang shouting 'JIAYOU HAIBAO' at a statue of the big blue 2012 World Expo mascot at the South Railway Station.
Since the Paralympics Closing Ceremony at the weekend, Zhang has been unable to break the habit. The Dazhong taxi company is considering banning Zhang from their vehicles: a spokesman explained "it is very distracting to our drivers when Zhang constantly shouts 'JIAOYOU SHIFU' on the gaojia, and 'JIAYOU HONGLUDENG' when waiting at a traffic light!
Zhang's wife is also becoming tired of the constant encouragement while she is cooking, applying her makeup, or on the toilet. 'JIAYOU ZHANG TAITAI!'
The bad news for his neigbours is that the noise may continue for two more years. Saturday saw Mr Zhang shouting 'JIAYOU HAIBAO' at a statue of the big blue 2012 World Expo mascot at the South Railway Station.
September 4, 2008
As crowds gathered on Saturday to witness the opening of the long-awaited Shanghai World Finance Center (SWFC), one 5-year-old grabbed the attention of onlookers as he was the first visitor of the 100th floor viewing deck to say 'WOW'.
Wang Xiao Pang and his family may not have been the first people to arrive at the building site at 6:30am Saturday morning — that honor belonged to Chen Yin, always first in line for new attractions and inaugurations in Shanghai — but they were definitely the talk of town when Wang, the second person to reach the viewing deck, quickly ran to the window and shouted 'WOW'. The only words Chen Yin could muster, was a disappointing "aah".
"I thought about so many things I could say" answered Wang, when asked about his outstanding words, "but when I got up there all I could get out was 'WOW'". When asked by swarms of journalists what the other things were that he thought about saying, "wo de maya", "wo tiana" and "wo cao" were uttered by the brave little youngster. This was met with 'oohs' from the awe-inspired onlookers and and a slap around the head from Wang's stern mother, Mrs. Wang Hao Ma.
"He's a good boy, but he sometimes gets ahead of himself. We didn't think that we'd get so much attention, but it didn't surprise us really as Xiao Xiao was the first person to say 'grrrr' to a tiger in the zoo." The imitation of a tiger's growl lead to much uproar from society in 2006, when Wang was merely 3 years old, as it caused a giant stampede to the Tiger's Cave in Shanghai zoo when many visitors thought the child was either challenging the tiger to a fight or that he had been raised by tigers and was actually talking to the big cats in the cages.
Zhang Chang Lou, director of tourist attractions at the SWFC was almost in tears when asked to comment on the young one's words. "He is a true ambassador of the Chinese spirit, even better than Liu Xiang. We plan to put a copper plaque with his name and the word 'WOW' engraved onto it at the viewing deck for everyone to witness."
"I don't know what I will say next and where," Wang stated after he was asked where he plans to say something amazing again, "I don't plan these things ahead of time, they just happen." However, hordes of netizens have speculated that the little boy might say something cute during the 2010 World Expo or closer yet, during the opening ceremony of the Paralympics.
Wang Xiao Pang and his family may not have been the first people to arrive at the building site at 6:30am Saturday morning — that honor belonged to Chen Yin, always first in line for new attractions and inaugurations in Shanghai — but they were definitely the talk of town when Wang, the second person to reach the viewing deck, quickly ran to the window and shouted 'WOW'. The only words Chen Yin could muster, was a disappointing "aah".
"I thought about so many things I could say" answered Wang, when asked about his outstanding words, "but when I got up there all I could get out was 'WOW'". When asked by swarms of journalists what the other things were that he thought about saying, "wo de maya", "wo tiana" and "wo cao" were uttered by the brave little youngster. This was met with 'oohs' from the awe-inspired onlookers and and a slap around the head from Wang's stern mother, Mrs. Wang Hao Ma.
"He's a good boy, but he sometimes gets ahead of himself. We didn't think that we'd get so much attention, but it didn't surprise us really as Xiao Xiao was the first person to say 'grrrr' to a tiger in the zoo." The imitation of a tiger's growl lead to much uproar from society in 2006, when Wang was merely 3 years old, as it caused a giant stampede to the Tiger's Cave in Shanghai zoo when many visitors thought the child was either challenging the tiger to a fight or that he had been raised by tigers and was actually talking to the big cats in the cages.
Zhang Chang Lou, director of tourist attractions at the SWFC was almost in tears when asked to comment on the young one's words. "He is a true ambassador of the Chinese spirit, even better than Liu Xiang. We plan to put a copper plaque with his name and the word 'WOW' engraved onto it at the viewing deck for everyone to witness."
"I don't know what I will say next and where," Wang stated after he was asked where he plans to say something amazing again, "I don't plan these things ahead of time, they just happen." However, hordes of netizens have speculated that the little boy might say something cute during the 2010 World Expo or closer yet, during the opening ceremony of the Paralympics.
March 6, 2008
Beijing Olympic mascot Yingying and Shanghai Expo mascot Haibao are the latest celebrities to be involved in a sex scandal. According to our sources, Yingying has been neglecting her mascot duties with the other four Fuwa in order to get down and dirty with big blue boy Haibao.An ayi at the Olympic Hotel in Beijing spotted Haibao entering Yingying's room at midnight last Thursday. On pressing her ear to the door, she heard Yingying screaming "Faster! higher! stronger! ... Right there! Harder! Deeper!"
When questioned about what she was doing with Haibao, Yingying giggled behind her hands, before running a 42.195km marathon, grabbing her sabre, and doing some Greco-Roman wrestling.
Haibao, who commentators have described as looking "like some kind of demented blue condom" has been in hiding in Boston since the reported incident. It is rumoured that Yingying's jealous fellow mascot Jingjing, who has mafia connections, has been looking for him. January 11, 2008
Shao Longtu, 102, CEO of the Jiumuchuansheng advertising company, was delighted to finally find a use for some rejected sketches of a mascot for Colgate toothpaste. "We had one of our interns working on the Colgate account", Shao explained, "and he came up with the idea of a big splodge-like creature called Cavit-T, who sang a song about gum disease. Unfortunately Colgate's marketing department thought the mascot looked too much like a genital worm, and the campaign was shelved".
The drawings have been sitting in a drawer for the last six months, until the Shanghai World Expo marketing department paid a visit. "We thought we'd show them a few sketches so they knew what kind of things to avoid - but everyone really took to Cavit-T. In ten minutes we'd given him a new name, and knocked up a story about blue representing water, sea, the Earth, life, dreams, the future and technology. And indeed blueberry muffins.
Presenting the Shanghai Expo mascot:Cavit-T Haibao!
The drawings have been sitting in a drawer for the last six months, until the Shanghai World Expo marketing department paid a visit. "We thought we'd show them a few sketches so they knew what kind of things to avoid - but everyone really took to Cavit-T. In ten minutes we'd given him a new name, and knocked up a story about blue representing water, sea, the Earth, life, dreams, the future and technology. And indeed blueberry muffins.
Presenting the Shanghai Expo mascot:
September 16, 2007
Ding Lijun, a third-grade student at Honglingjin No. 1 School in Yangpu district, has promised his parents that his homework will be ready "in time for the 2010 World Expo".
Much like 13 new metro lines, redevelopment of Shanghai's satellite cities, a new high-speed maglev line, a city-wide wireless network, English training for all city educators, 14 new museums, cleanup of polluted waterways and a city-wide wireless network.
Ding was told to go to his room.
Much like 13 new metro lines, redevelopment of Shanghai's satellite cities, a new high-speed maglev line, a city-wide wireless network, English training for all city educators, 14 new museums, cleanup of polluted waterways and a city-wide wireless network.
Ding was told to go to his room.