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November 8, 2007
China will make signficant investments in chocolate chip cookies as it seeks to diversify its foreign exchange reserves, according to a statement released on Wednesday.
Beijing sought to reassure the world financial markets following an announcement by Cheng Siwei, the vice chairman of the National People's Congress. Cheng said that China would consider switching some of its huge foreign exchange reserves away from dollars.
James Hughes, an analyst at CMC Markets in London commented "Mmmmmmmm, cookies".
Beijing sought to reassure the world financial markets following an announcement by Cheng Siwei, the vice chairman of the National People's Congress. Cheng said that China would consider switching some of its huge foreign exchange reserves away from dollars.
James Hughes, an analyst at CMC Markets in London commented "Mmmmmmmm, cookies".
October 24, 2007
Today the Chinese press released information regarding a possible virgin birth in Hubei Province. While no one has actually sighted the woman she is believed to have been sequestered until the birth can be broadcast live on the various CCTV broadcast stations. This move by God may be the first in an effort to establish a greater presence in the Middle Kingdom.
The Vatican has neither confirmed nor denied the Chinese claim. However a source close to the pope has confirmed that in an email from the Archangel Gabriel, God has been "considering more proactive options for expanding into emerging markets." The memo goes on to say that a move into China makes "perfect economic sense" because "expectations in commodities like miracles and divine interventions are low, thus the thermodynamic cost of providing these commodities can be kept low". While God's move into China is not unexpected it does leave speculation as to how previously established markets will fare given this recent development.
Analysts say that this move may be genius or madness. One possible downside may be the perception that God's commodities coming out of China are actually cheap knock-offs instead of the real deal. India, a regional rival, is already claiming that China's "alleged" virginal birth is really just a "cheap, rushed to market" copy of a virgin birth in Varanasi last year. However, this decision nearly doubles potential souls available to God and his various subsidiaries, not to mention the vast surplus of virgins for producing these types of births.
The move has also left many people wondering why China, normally not wanting to get into the Divine Being market, would suddenly embrace what is definitely a major reversal of policy. Sources say that the feeling is that this helps China present a more friendly face to the West as well as a solid strategy to counter-claims by religious and human rights organizations.
It's also great for business. Tours to see the virgin and child will be announced shortly after the birth, during Spring Festival of course, and a theme park near Wuhan is being planned. There are already factories producing burning bushes, "Diligently follow the 10 Commandments" tablets and crowns of thorns. The government has also facilitated a move to embrace God's desire by building the Communist Cathedral, to be the world's largest, by 2025.
The regular Chinese citizen seems to be taking it in their stride. As one area woman put it: "We already do Christmas better than the Westerners, it was about time we showed them that we can have virgin births too!"
The Vatican has neither confirmed nor denied the Chinese claim. However a source close to the pope has confirmed that in an email from the Archangel Gabriel, God has been "considering more proactive options for expanding into emerging markets." The memo goes on to say that a move into China makes "perfect economic sense" because "expectations in commodities like miracles and divine interventions are low, thus the thermodynamic cost of providing these commodities can be kept low". While God's move into China is not unexpected it does leave speculation as to how previously established markets will fare given this recent development.
Analysts say that this move may be genius or madness. One possible downside may be the perception that God's commodities coming out of China are actually cheap knock-offs instead of the real deal. India, a regional rival, is already claiming that China's "alleged" virginal birth is really just a "cheap, rushed to market" copy of a virgin birth in Varanasi last year. However, this decision nearly doubles potential souls available to God and his various subsidiaries, not to mention the vast surplus of virgins for producing these types of births.
The move has also left many people wondering why China, normally not wanting to get into the Divine Being market, would suddenly embrace what is definitely a major reversal of policy. Sources say that the feeling is that this helps China present a more friendly face to the West as well as a solid strategy to counter-claims by religious and human rights organizations.
It's also great for business. Tours to see the virgin and child will be announced shortly after the birth, during Spring Festival of course, and a theme park near Wuhan is being planned. There are already factories producing burning bushes, "Diligently follow the 10 Commandments" tablets and crowns of thorns. The government has also facilitated a move to embrace God's desire by building the Communist Cathedral, to be the world's largest, by 2025.
The regular Chinese citizen seems to be taking it in their stride. As one area woman put it: "We already do Christmas better than the Westerners, it was about time we showed them that we can have virgin births too!"
October 15, 2007
Defiant shoppers in Shanghai notched up 5 billion RMB worth of counter-revolutionary purchases during October's Golden Week holiday. Rejecting the plain lifestyles of top communist officials they succumbed to such "capitalist roader" items as laptop computers, dishwashers and really big fridges.
In scenes reminiscent of the fall of the Berlin wall impatient bargain hunters crowded around the discounted items sections of countless department stores.
Many amongst the assembled spenders were quick to claim solidarity with the protestors in Myanmar (formerly Burma) such as Mr. Wu, 51 who said "They need flat screen televisions as much as we do".
Official policy in the Peoples Republic remains that of "to each according to his needs".
In scenes reminiscent of the fall of the Berlin wall impatient bargain hunters crowded around the discounted items sections of countless department stores.
Many amongst the assembled spenders were quick to claim solidarity with the protestors in Myanmar (formerly Burma) such as Mr. Wu, 51 who said "They need flat screen televisions as much as we do".
Official policy in the Peoples Republic remains that of "to each according to his needs".
October 6, 2007
Shanghai computer engineer Li Chao has endured a week of teasing from his colleagues at Internet advertising company Pikopo.com this week, after he announced he now intended to be known as John Li. "What a ridiculous English name to choose!", giggled secretary Paperclip Chen. "He probably doesn't realise how silly it would sound to a foreigner", added marketing executive Haddock Liu.
According to HR manager Chimpanzee Zhang "At one time, only the very few Chinese who had contact with foreigners had English names. In recent years, more and more young Chinese are choosing to use an English name."
The ribbing continued in the company cafeteria, where the IT department were trying to outdo themselves recounting the names of former colleagues. "Xiao Li could have chosen worse", laughed Tampon Qin, "I used to have a friend called 'Colin'!"
According to HR manager Chimpanzee Zhang "At one time, only the very few Chinese who had contact with foreigners had English names. In recent years, more and more young Chinese are choosing to use an English name."
The ribbing continued in the company cafeteria, where the IT department were trying to outdo themselves recounting the names of former colleagues. "Xiao Li could have chosen worse", laughed Tampon Qin, "I used to have a friend called 'Colin'!"
October 5, 2007
Sun Microsystems, the well known computer software, hardware, and e-business solutions provider has decided to step into another niche of the Chinese market, Middle Autumn Festival's mooncakes. The
mooncake market in China yearly grosses at over $8 billion in sales.
That is to estimate, in China every person buys about 6 mooncakes at $1 a piece. People normally give them to each other as presents and eat them during the festive dinners and daily meals.
"To miss such an opportunity of capturing a market share and billions in profit would be a mistake," said Sun Microsystems spokesperson in Shanghai, Jeff Sunlight. Recent competitive involvements of IBM, SAP, as well as Chinese software companies have been eating Sun's lunch in e-business solutions in China.
"Intoduction of Suncakes™, will stabilize our profits in China and balance our losses in software market," added Sunlight.
Suncakes will come at reduced prices than their Chinese counterparts, due to the added marketing value.
mooncake market in China yearly grosses at over $8 billion in sales.
That is to estimate, in China every person buys about 6 mooncakes at $1 a piece. People normally give them to each other as presents and eat them during the festive dinners and daily meals.
"To miss such an opportunity of capturing a market share and billions in profit would be a mistake," said Sun Microsystems spokesperson in Shanghai, Jeff Sunlight. Recent competitive involvements of IBM, SAP, as well as Chinese software companies have been eating Sun's lunch in e-business solutions in China.
"Intoduction of Suncakes™, will stabilize our profits in China and balance our losses in software market," added Sunlight.
Suncakes will come at reduced prices than their Chinese counterparts, due to the added marketing value.
October 1, 2007
US toy giant Haslow has recalled 80,000 of its Gee Gee Gee-up Tiny Toddlers Talking Rocking Horses after reports of a serious fault in the manufacturing process at a Chinese factory.
The toys, manufactured by the Jiading Jiayou Jiayou Manufacturing Company, are supposed to say phrases such as "Let's go for a ride", "I like it when you brush me" and "I'm a little pony".
Unfortunately a bug in the Chinese-English translation software used by the company led to the company mistakenly building a Mocking Horse rather than a Rocking Horse. The Mocking Horse reportedly tells riders "Who do you think you are, the ****ing Lone Ranger?", "Get off my back, Fatso" and "I can't believe you spent $89.99 on me at Walmart!"
A spokesman for Haslow said that consumers should return their mocking horses for a full refund.
The toys, manufactured by the Jiading Jiayou Jiayou Manufacturing Company, are supposed to say phrases such as "Let's go for a ride", "I like it when you brush me" and "I'm a little pony".
Unfortunately a bug in the Chinese-English translation software used by the company led to the company mistakenly building a Mocking Horse rather than a Rocking Horse. The Mocking Horse reportedly tells riders "Who do you think you are, the ****ing Lone Ranger?", "Get off my back, Fatso" and "I can't believe you spent $89.99 on me at Walmart!"
A spokesman for Haslow said that consumers should return their mocking horses for a full refund.
September 17, 2007
US Trade Commissioner Keith de la Hoya issued a warning Tuesday that numerous lead products such as lead weights and lead-based paints, including those manufactured by Shanghai Shentin Engineering Company, had been found to contain high levels of lead.
"We have found lead in a number of products, including lead weights and lead-based paint" raged de la Hoya. "In one case, a 12 ounce lead weight contained a dozen ounces of lead!"
This is the latest of a series of scandals involving Chinese-made products in the US.
"We have found lead in a number of products, including lead weights and lead-based paint" raged de la Hoya. "In one case, a 12 ounce lead weight contained a dozen ounces of lead!"
This is the latest of a series of scandals involving Chinese-made products in the US.