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October 13, 2008
Construction of the world's largest bottle opener was completed in Shanghai's Pudong district last month, but so far it has found little use. The device rises 492 metres above the Huangpu River, and was described by Shanghai Mayor Chen Liaoyun as "the biggest tool in Shanghai since Edison Chen came to visit".
City officials are yet to find a bottle large enough to use with the opener, although there are hopes Budweiser will sponsor a giant bottle. "After all, our beer is cheap piss so it wouldn't be too expensive to make", a (now ex-)spokesman for Anheuser Busch commented.
Monstrous Shangzilla thanked the city for their consideration in building a large enough bottle opener for him to use, but admitted that it was hard to operate with his claws. "If I need a bottle opened, I ask my ayi" he said, waving his tail and accidentally demolishing Pudong Airport's new Terminal 2.
The city plans to incorporate the bottle opener into the world's largest Swiss Army knife, set to open for the World Expo in 2010.
City officials are yet to find a bottle large enough to use with the opener, although there are hopes Budweiser will sponsor a giant bottle. "After all, our beer is cheap piss so it wouldn't be too expensive to make", a (now ex-)spokesman for Anheuser Busch commented.
Monstrous Shangzilla thanked the city for their consideration in building a large enough bottle opener for him to use, but admitted that it was hard to operate with his claws. "If I need a bottle opened, I ask my ayi" he said, waving his tail and accidentally demolishing Pudong Airport's new Terminal 2.
The city plans to incorporate the bottle opener into the world's largest Swiss Army knife, set to open for the World Expo in 2010.
January 15, 2008
Controversial new research from researchers at Shanghai Abnormal University has suggested that Li Bai, one of the greatest poets in China's history, was a foreigner who spent much of his life bumming around China to avoid going back home to pay his student loan. Fan Yangbing, who led the research, said the evidence was difficult to ignore.
The cultural faux pas: "Once, Li Bai was drunk and asked Gao Lishi, the most powerful eunuch in the palace, to take off his boots in front of the emperor."
The excess consumption of alcohol: "Li Bai had a great love for liquor."
Putting off getting a proper job: "Though he expressed the wish to become an official, he could not be bothered to sit for the Chinese civil service examination."
Having one too many at Bar Rouge: "he is said to have drowned in the Yangtze River, having fallen from his boat while drunkenly trying to embrace the reflection of the moon."
Moreover, new textual analysis suggests that Li Bai may have ripped off the poems which so fascinated the aristocrats of 8th century China from Britney Spears songs.
花間一壺酒。 Tell me baby cuz I need to know now, oh because
獨酌無相親。 My loneliness is killin me (and I)
舉杯邀明月。 I must confess I still believe (still believe)
對影成三人。 When Im not with you I lose my mind
月既不解飲。 Give me a sign, hit me baby one more time!
The cultural faux pas: "Once, Li Bai was drunk and asked Gao Lishi, the most powerful eunuch in the palace, to take off his boots in front of the emperor."
The excess consumption of alcohol: "Li Bai had a great love for liquor."
Putting off getting a proper job: "Though he expressed the wish to become an official, he could not be bothered to sit for the Chinese civil service examination."
Having one too many at Bar Rouge: "he is said to have drowned in the Yangtze River, having fallen from his boat while drunkenly trying to embrace the reflection of the moon."
Moreover, new textual analysis suggests that Li Bai may have ripped off the poems which so fascinated the aristocrats of 8th century China from Britney Spears songs.
花間一壺酒。 Tell me baby cuz I need to know now, oh because
獨酌無相親。 My loneliness is killin me (and I)
舉杯邀明月。 I must confess I still believe (still believe)
對影成三人。 When Im not with you I lose my mind
月既不解飲。 Give me a sign, hit me baby one more time!
November 7, 2007
Unable to deal with the effects of sudden fame, first-time Shangzilla contributor Jonathan Walker descended into a personal hell of booze, personal demons and social withdrawal.
Johnie's experience was practically instantaneous. "It's quite a high for a few minutes" said Johnie, speaking from underneath a sleeping bag in his flat, "but after that, you look in the fridge for a beer and say 'what's the point' ".
"The worst thing was dealing with the effects of sudden fame" Johnie continued. "When I told Jeff about my success, he was quite interested, but then a few days later he was pestering me again to find out which article I actually wrote".
"...I smell paparazzi..."
"Either that, or he's after some weird fantasy with the writer, where we get married in Africa or something"
Johnie's experience was practically instantaneous. "It's quite a high for a few minutes" said Johnie, speaking from underneath a sleeping bag in his flat, "but after that, you look in the fridge for a beer and say 'what's the point' ".
"The worst thing was dealing with the effects of sudden fame" Johnie continued. "When I told Jeff about my success, he was quite interested, but then a few days later he was pestering me again to find out which article I actually wrote".
"...I smell paparazzi..."
"Either that, or he's after some weird fantasy with the writer, where we get married in Africa or something"