The Beijing Olympic Games Organising Federation announced a rule-change Tuesday to ensure Michael Phelps will be counted as a separate country. "Phelps has already won three medals for the USA, and is threatening to win several more" explained a BOGOF spokesman. "This really can't do! Jiaoyou Zhongguo!".

A new, more harmonious medal table was published on the BOGOF website earlier. China are now well in the lead. After Phelps' medals are subtracted, USA fall to third place in the official standings behind Korea, while Phelps is single-handedly ahead of Russia and Great Britain.