Businesspeople will no longer be able to apply for multiple-entry F visas, according to announcements from the Bureau of Public Security. Previously F visas entitled the holder to enter China multiple times during 6 months or more.

Jiang Yu, a spokeswoman for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs indicated that in the run-up to the eagerly anticipated Beijing Olympics, foreigners would have to apply for new F (Universal) or F-U visas.

Joerg Wutdehell, president of the EU Chamber of Commerce in China called the new restrictions 'very very annoying'. 'When one of our members tried to apply for an F visa, he was told "f--- you!"'

Freelance writers and journalist will also need to apply for a new specialized visa, the F (Official). Reporters who wish to be in China during the Games will be told to F-OFF.

After a growing outcry by Chinese netizens over inaccurate reporting, a spokesman for US news network DNN issued a statement Tuesday denying their mistakes were caused by bias.

"Our mislabeling of photos was simply caused by the fact that we, as Americans, don't know what's going on. Many of our present employees attended high school during the Bush administration. They're lucky they can even find the United States on a map."

An editor who supplied a misleading caption justified himself, saying, "I mean, those pictures were taken in a foreign country. There are lots of foreign countries, like France, and India, and Puerto Rico. I get them all mixed up." When asked about the picture taken in Nepal that was captioned as being in China, he scoffed. "Nepal isn’t a real country. It's made up, like Kazakhstan, for that Borat movie."

"While it's easy to suspect that prejudice colored media coverage, there is plenty of evidence to support ineptitude claims," noted Hong Kong Media University professor W. S. Law. "Just look at last month's article from the culture section, "Hitler's film Modern Times, a classic for the ages.'"

Disappointed that no foreign countries have boycotted the Beijing Olympics, Shanghai mayor Han Zheng has announced that Shanghai is to boycott the Games of the XXIX Olympiad. "This is not a matter of rivalry between Shanghai and Beijing" Han clarified, "although clearly the 2010 World Expo in Shanghai is a far more significant event than some silly Greek sports festival".

The Olympic flame will be passing through Shanghai on May 20th this year. Shanghainese will be equipped with water guns to aim at the torch as it travels through the city. Shanghai taxi driver Mr Hu, 32, said "Olympics? What Olympics?"

Shangzilla is taking a break for a few months. Look out for new articles later this year!

Beijing Olympic mascot Yingying and Shanghai Expo mascot Haibao are the latest celebrities to be involved in a sex scandal. According to our sources, Yingying has been neglecting her mascot duties with the other four Fuwa in order to get down and dirty with big blue boy Haibao.

An ayi at the Olympic Hotel in Beijing spotted Haibao entering Yingying's room at midnight last Thursday. On pressing her ear to the door, she heard Yingying screaming "Faster! higher! stronger! ... Right there! Harder! Deeper!"

When questioned about what she was doing with Haibao, Yingying giggled behind her hands, before running a 42.195km marathon, grabbing her sabre, and doing some Greco-Roman wrestling.

Haibao, who commentators have described as looking "like some kind of demented blue condom" has been in hiding in Boston since the reported incident. It is rumoured that Yingying's jealous fellow mascot Jingjing, who has mafia connections, has been looking for him.

The bratty kid who will not eat his grandmother's cooking because it makes his "KOU GAN!!!" - as featured on the Tai Tai Le Granulated Chicken Bouillon - has finally been smacked into next week. Neighbors who wish to remain anonymous report that Ye Nainai finally got so fed up with the ungrateful little emperor that she gave him a whack so hard it could be heard in the neighborhood management office. "We don't condone violence against children here," said another local granny, "but that boy was unbearable."

Upon landing, he will be joining the other horrible kid from the Dr. Bai Whitening Cream commercial, who sings that his spotty mother is unbearable to look at. He will also be receiving speech therapy that will teach him how to say "hao chi!" with proper Mandarin pronunciation.

Shangzilla editor Dan Wasburnt's latest article for popular website Shangzilla.com has nothing to do with naked photos of Edison Chen.

Washburnt noted however, that the article Net awash with naked pictures of Edison Chen and you was currently topping the most popular articles this month. Even shameless ripoffs of Shangzilla.com are filled with stories about Edison Chen.

"Since internet users are searching frequently for "Edison Chen photos" and "Edison Chen taking naked pictures" and "Edison Chen latest sex scandal pictures", commented Wasburnt, "I decided to mention Edison Chen as many times as I could in the article to ensure my article came first in Google, whenever anyone searched for Edison Chen"

"I might also mention other Hong Kong stars like Gillian Chung, Bobo Chan, and Cecilia Cheung, who are also unrelated to my article. But closely related to Edison Chen", Wasburnt continued.

Wasburnt, whose hairstyle has rarely been compared to Edison Chen, once came last in an Edison Chen lookalike contest.

Wasburnt's next article, also about golf, is entitled "Latest pics in Edison Chen sex scandal".

Approximately 50 passengers were stranded at Shanghai's Pudong International airport (PVG) on Thursday after an Air China flight to Shenzhen left the runway at its scheduled departure time.

Mass confusion took place while Air China staff tried their best to calm the upset crowd by providing tea and snacks.

One visibly upset passenger, Mr. Zhang, commented "This is outrageous! I take several business trips a month and I have never seen an Air China flight without a delay of at least 30 minutes. How can they do this and not expect passengers to be upset? It's crazy!".

Several customers demanded compensation. Another passenger, Ms. Qian, commented "If Air China wants to treat its customers like this, my family and I will take our business elsewhere." Air China declined to comment.

Those naked pictures you let Edison Chen take of you with his webcam were released to several web sites Saturday. They include several nude shots, one where you are giving oral pleasure, those ones with the lacy tights, and the one you forgot about where you were wearing a police uniform.

As the scandal continues to unfold, Chen recently released a statement to YouTube in which he did not apologize for taking naked pictures of you. He did not apologize for storing them on his computer where they could be downloaded by any third party who gained access to the machine. He also did not apologize for taking his computer to a random repair shop to be fixed, thereby giving total strangers access to photos of you and other people. However, he did apologize to anyone whose feelings had been hurt by the photos' exposure.

The photos can now be found on several forums, including those on Tianji.com and Baido.com. They are next to pictures of Edison Chen with Regina Ip, Nina Wang and your mom.

Shangzilla editor Dan Wasburnt had to make a trip to the Huashan hospital after having a firecracker explode in his pants on Chinese New Year's Eve.

Upon arriving at the hospital, Wasburnt showed his ID and told the paramedics "I was burnt!" They replied "We can see that, but what's the problem?"

Sub-editor Kenneth Tangent, writing about the incident, said it was a terrible struggle not to use a number of humorous firework related puns in the article. "This really was a cracker of a story", Tangent commented, "it was almost irresistible to write that Dan's evening had gone with a bang!"